


The one where Schlatt almost fucking dies

by SuperSecretAltAccount



Category: SMPLive, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (Kryoz is there too but he literally has no lines), Gen, Introspection, Technically this is Tekkit Tuesdays not SMPLive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 01:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20349778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperSecretAltAccount/pseuds/SuperSecretAltAccount
Summary: "Schlatt, are you good?" Fitz questions again, and Schlatt thinks he finally has his bearings enough to give an actual response.For a single moment, the bit is forgotten entirely and he answers honestly. "I actually... I  was actually choking."A novelisation of the ending to the 3rd tekkit vod, in which schlatt actually almost fucking died.





	The one where Schlatt almost fucking dies

**Author's Note:**

> For those who are unaware, "Mr.Tekkit" practically almost died during the filming of the third tekkit stream, at around 2 hours and 37 mins in. The vod can be found [here](https://youtu.be/B2C88k9UQOA)
> 
> I wrote all of this at 4 in the morning and I have no regrets

* * *

"Hold on lemme take a swig."

_ Hope this bit isn't a flop. _He thinks for a second after he says that, but only for a second before his thoughts are interrupted by the feeling of air escaping him as his drink goes down wrong.

Panic sets in now, and his thoughts are replaced with a chorus of "_ Oh shit oh fuck fuck I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die choking on a diet coke while playing minecraft- air fuck I need air _" as he soundlessly wheezes for air.

After a minute he manages to bark out a short cough obtaining some of the precious resource his lungs so desperately need, and it only takes another moment before he's coughing up a storm loud enough to grab the others' attentions now.

He's vaguely aware of the chaos going on onscreen, in his peripherals, and in his ears, not yet able to act on any of it and not yet capable of responding to his friends' concerns.

"Is Schlatt actually ok, or is he dying right now?" Fitz asks, entirely confused, and the sentiment is echoed by the other two with rising concern.

"Schlatt, are you good?" Fitz questions again, and Schlatt thinks he finally has his bearings enough to give an actual response.

For a single moment, the bit is forgotten entirely and he answers honestly. "I actually... I was actually choking." He says, swallowing harshly in attempts to tall better.

"Dude, I thought you were doing a bit and you were actually just having a hard time over there." Fitz admits incredulously.

"Were you eating something?' Ted queries.

"No, I just took a swig and that was it."

At that Ted immediately launches into an anecdote of a similar experience he had recently with a piece of corn, Schlatt chiming in to ask "Yea, is a can of diet coke really gonna take me out, while I'm playing minecraft?"

"Well that's what you get for drinking something with 'die' in the name." Fitz jokes.

Some more quips, and strained dialog and laughter on his end is exchanged before he starts coughing again.

_ Probably shouldn't be talking so much immediately after almost choking to death _ he absentmindedly admonishes himself before cracking another joke anyway. "Yea it went down the wrong cobblestone transport pipe."

Schlatt's near death experience has him questioning a lot of things in his life, but the now's not the time for that. _Continue the bit _ a voice in the back of his head nags at him but he can't focus for the life of him. He knows he should take a breather, maybe even call it a night, but he refuses to call it quits.

"That knocked the wind out of me, holy shit. That would've been really funny if I died." He's laughing at his own morbid joke, and he can't tell if it's out of fear at what could've been or genuine amusement, but that doesn't matter right now. He needs to make the most of this content while it's fresh. "My editor would have a field day with this one." He says in between coughs.

He's just getting used to not being able to breathe properly and not having enough air at this point because when there's a lull in the conversation he asks "Carson, what do you think of that bit?" No one questions how much his voice breaks on that sentence alone before he devolves into even more fierce coughing but he knows they all mean well and are probably just keeping their concerns sheathed for the sake of "funny moment."

"Commit next time, Schlatt." Carson says, joining the vc. "Commit to the bit."

"What should I have done differently?" Schlatt asks, deciding to entertain the idea.

"You should've died."

"I should've died?" Schlatt says as if actually considering it.

"You should be on the floor right now, you should be dead."

Schlatt goes back and forth with Carson for a few seconds with practiced ease, as if he didn't almost just die, before cracking some more jokes. "That's a death.drink right there." He's pretty proud of his ability to keep up the act while his vision is still blurry from how much he is coughing his lungs out.

At this point he's just trying not to be excessive with the coughing, failing at his attempts to swallow it down. "Compose yourself" they say and he takes a moment to really just breathe a big breath of air, which is when it really hits him.

"I almost died…"

"We almost lost him." Fitz agrees before Ted describes the feeling again.

Schlatt continues to wander in game with only a vague sense of direction. He knows he's going towards some important location, but he's trying to listen to the guys and doesn't have the brain capacity or presence of mind to think about it.

Of course, being oxygen starved doesn't stop him from making another joke at Fitz' expense.

He can't tell if he's acting anymore as he tiredly asks Fitz if this will land him in a video. Is he even doing it on purpose at this point or is he genuinely exhausted? He can't tell.

He finally ends up at Clout Co's base when he realizes he has no clue where he is or why.

"Where are you guys at?"

"We're over by the quarry." Fitz says.

"I'm at the base right now." Ted also informs him.

Maybe the constant talking is catching up to him because he manages to genuinely sound and feel pretty lightheaded as he responds "Oh... I'm at your house right now… I'm not- I'm not very present at the moment."

"Yea you seem pretty preoccupied with coughing your lungs out." Fitz points out.

Ted tries to get his attention, and he makes to respond before giving up mid sentence. "I actually can't talk right now, holy shit."

"You wanna end your stream, dude?" Fitz insists, genuine concern finally showing through as it becomes apparent the bit is over and Schlatt is still kind of out of it.

"No. Noo… I'm good, it's fine." Schlatt lies through his teeth, hoping that if he can convince them he can convince himself.

"Ok… as long as you say you're good… We'll leave you guys to it." Fitz relents before they leave the call, which Ted takes as his cue to continue where he left off.

"Yea yea…" Schlatt thinks he's responding to them but he doesn't actually know.

Ted stops his explanation to ask again "Are you okay? Are you sure you're good?"

"I'm okay, yea." He barely manages to say but Ted doesnt question it.

He has resigned himself to short responses at this point, trying his damndest to focus on what Ted is saying and keep the energy going, but aside from choking for a solid two minutes he _has_ been streaming for nearly three hours.

He goes another five minutes before he caves. "Ted I think I have to go, I actually can't talk." That and he feels like he's two minutes away from passing out mid sentence. "Sorry I have to do this to ya."

Ted assures him it's no problem and their last order of business is making a to do list with the last of his mental fortitude before signing off. He apologizes profusively- or at least thinks he does- to his stream, ending without even reading his donations.

He barely makes it to the bed before crashing, content to ignore how close of a call that was in favor of of the knowledge that he ended the stream on a completely unique and virtually unrepeatable- he's definitely not ever going to _try_ to at least- high.

The last thing he thinks as he drifts off is that at least it would've been somewhat poetic if he had died there, doing what he loved.

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't seen the full clip please just go watch it. I need people to hear how out of it he was.
> 
> Considering writing an au piece in which he does actually pass out just so I can toy with people's reactions, idk we'll see.


End file.
